Why it’s the perfect time to deschool yourself and your kids

Show them the fruits of their own labor.

Deschooling = unlearning (or never learning) the bad habits you picked up in school. 

Schooling habits are so deeply ingrained in our culture that it’s hard to know where they end and our true instincts begin.

For example, the current trend of “quiet quitting” is reminiscent of doing the bare minimum to get a D in a required class. It isn’t going to work out the way they think. Doing the bare minimum (and not looking for other options) is like shooting yourself in the foot for a place to stick your umbrella—I see what you’re doing…but at what cost? 

The central issue is that 13 years of school trains people to be passive in their own lives. The old-school factory schools are so strict—and yet weirdly detached from any real-world outcome—that they train kids to be simultaneously entitled and yet unwilling to adjust their strategy in the face of difficulty. A terrible combination. 

What can parents (who, by and large, were trained by the same system) change to make things better for their kids? 

Attach effort to real-world outcomes

There has never been a better time in human history to deschool yourself and your kids. The resources available are unprecedented and, frankly, incredible. 

To understand how these resources can improve kids' lives, let's examine how deschooling might apply to two types of students. These are two broad categories of kids on either end of the spectrum from obedient to disobedient. Most kids will fall somewhere in the middle–so use what works for your kids and leave the rest.

Rebellious kids

Kids (especially kids who don’t automatically follow rules) need to understand what they’re doing and why. And, of course, education isn’t a free-for-all.

Kids come into the world soft, undisciplined, and helpless—they crave guidance (even if they resist it). 

If your rationale is, “I think you need to learn discipline. Life’s tough for undisciplined people. What if we try this program for a month and see what you think?” Let them in on the process of their development as much as you can stand. Offer guidance when you know they’re off the mark. Help them to quickly learn from their own mistakes (instead of preventing the mistakes in the first place).  

Rebellious kids (and you already know if this is your kid) actually crave outside discipline. They are constantly testing boundaries, and studies show they feel better when they know exactly where the boundaries are.

Be clear about the rules. Let them succeed. Tell them lots of the most successful people in the world were very disobedient as kids. All those kids need is guidance and (negotiated) structure where it’s useful. When a child is testing your limits, they’re really asking you, “I want to know where your boundaries are. Are you strong enough to keep them?”

It’s tempting to tyrannize them with authority (“because I said so!”), but they must be contended with. Tyranny is lazy, one-size-fits-all. Contending is parenting with attention to what each child brings to the table. Negotiation, structure, discussion, physical outlets–all help and must be attended to and customized, moment to moment. 

Rebellious kids are awesome because they are determined to figure out life on their own terms.

We like that. Give them the boundaries they need to thrive.

Motivated kids

If your kid is already motivated to learn, the first step is usually researching together. Part of rebelEducator’s mission is to compile those resources for you. From there (with your help) kids can decide on the best program, the best books to read, and the best forums to discuss the topic with their learning peers. To make this concrete, let’s look at real-world examples. 

If a kid wants to open a business, for example, you can help them set a reasonable timeline and goals for what they plan to sell, how much profit counts as “success,” etc.

Ask them questions like, “Do you want to become a business owner? What kind of businesses do you want to open? More importantly, what kind of business do people want from you (probably not a big demand for an original dance)? What do you like about starting a business?” 

On the other hand, if they are more interested in science, you can figure out, together, what they need to do to get into the best college on the planet for that particular field. Starting early and focusing on a real-world outcome is motivation beyond belief for kids. From there, you can create a school curriculum based on exactly what they need to succeed.

Again, ask lots of questions: “Why do you want to study this? Do you want to help people? Do you want to become great? Are you OK that you may change your mind (many times)? What truly motivates you?” By the way, they don’t have to have the answers. Mostly, they won’t. But, having an adult take an interest in what they think is often enough.

At the same time, you can’t hit a target you don’t aim at—and 90% of time in traditional schools is spent aiming at nothing in particular or proxies for success that have no real-world impact. Self-directed learning is the best option for kids, even those who want to be great in pre-existing career structures.

Pre-motivated kids are usually great at working within a structured environment. Of course, allow them to thrive in their zone. But also challenge them with a little freedom. Ask them big questions about what they want out of their lives. 

Motivated kids are sometimes a little too eager to follow the rules. Show them they are also the creator of the rules. 

Yourself

The best way to teach is by example, so, during this process, set goals for yourself, too. Start a new hobby, side hustle, or fitness goal. Share your progress and stumbling blocks with your kid. Let them see how you’re trying to figure things out. Kids love that. 

Let them know that the process is never-ending and you actually enjoy that.

The older they get, the more you can negotiate with them (as opposed to “because I said so”) the more capable they become. The more capable they become, the more stable and happy they feel—and, studies show, the more their peers accept them. After four years old, the majority of kids’ socialization comes from other kids, not the parents. Set them up for success early, and they can take over from there.

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When you teach kids to associate effort with the desired outcome, you get a ball rolling that makes them free and independent for the rest of their lives. They can take that resilience and independence to do whatever they want. It never stops serving them.

There is not much more worthwhile you could offer them. 

If someone shared this with you, subscribe for more tips on alternative education.

Share this with anyone who has kids and dosen’t know how to get them self-motivated.

Thanks for reading,

Taylor + rebelEducator team

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P.S.

Here’s what we’re looking at this week:

Kids should know about the hero’s journey (and how they fit in it)

Administrators are crushing the life from schools

Socratic learning (designed for greatness, not masses)

Quotes we’re pondering:

“At the base of totalitarianism and compulsory education is the idea that children belong to the State rather than to their parents.” — Murray Rothbard

“The governments of the great States have two instruments for keeping the people dependent, in fear and obedience: a coarser, the army; and a more refined, the school.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

“Education is the kindling of a flame, not the filling of a vessel.” ― Socrates